While playing around with the Internet Anagram Server, I discovered that an anagram of my full name is Emperor Rectal Hose.
I'll leave you to figure out what my top-secret middle name is from that!
The trouble is that the web site claims that "All the life's wisdom can be found in anagrams. Anagrams never lie."
Huh? Anagrams never lie? I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. On the one hand my anagram tells me that I am an Emperor. Good start. Nothing wrong with that. But then it goes on to reveal what I am Emperor of. Not the British Empire, or Rome, or Ethiopia. Not even somewhere small like Heligoland or Lundy.
No, I would appear to be Emperor Rectal Hose. I am, effectively (and effusively) Lord of Colonics. The Earl of Irrigation.
Nice. Or rather, not.
I guess there must be an upside to this. Surely as an Emperor I should get invited to future Royal weddings and other plush events. And I should definitely get 20% off my bus fare.